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| Code | Button Description |
| 5E | A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean a mother. |
| 7F | Always mount a scratch monkey. |
| 2F | Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or better. |
| 4A | Any variations or irregularities you might find in this person are part of the uniqueness of the design. The person you have purchased is one of a kind. |
| 6D | Armed and Dangerous [complete RSA Perl script] This Perl script is an export-controlled munition. http://dcs.ex.ac.uk/~aba/rsa/ |
| 6C | Ask me about my lobotomy. |
| 4F | Bite off more than you can chew, then chew as if your life depended on it. It does. |
| 8D | Blasphemy is a victimless crime. |
| 3B | Born Again Pagan |
| 4I | Caution: The mass of this person contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight. |
| 7A | Ceci n'est pas un macaron. |
| 4E | Conserve entropy. |
| 6A | Did I have a good time last night? |
| 6G | DO NOT DISTURB |
| 3A | Do or do not. There is no try. —Yoda |
| 2I | Do you need a silencer to shoot a mime? |
| 4K | Does comedy on television cause comedy in the streets? (Dick Cavett) |
| 17A | Don't hate yourself in the morning—Sleep till noon. |
| 3I | Friendly person trapped in a grouchy body. |
| 1G | FTL Express When it absolutely, positively has to be there yesterday. |
| 7J | "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." —Admiral Hyman G. Rickover |
| 8B | Hold on Scotty: I've just discovered Mensa. |
| 1E | How does a blind skydiver know when to pull? The guide dog's leash goes slack. |
| 3E | Hug me all you want, but you're not getting this button. |
| 2A | hy-dro-gen [pronunciation] n. That substance which, when left to itself for a sufficiently long time, forms people. |
| 17B | I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me. |
| 1B | I [picture of a heart] my picture of a dog. |
| 3C | I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. —A. Whitney Brown |
| 2D | I plan to live forever or die trying. |
| 9A | "I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of [see button], unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce." —J. Edgar Hoover |
| 1C | I take chocolate from strangers. |
| 5B | I think, therefore I'm single. |
| 2G | If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose? |
| 1A | If I were any cuter, I'd be a teddy bear. |
| 2H | If triangles had a god, He'd have three sides. (old Yiddish proverb) |
| 8F | Imagine a world with no hypothetical situations. |
| 4G | In cyberspace nobody can see your haircut. [Amy font] |
| 4H | In cyberspace nobody can see your haircut [Liquid Crystal font] |
| 7D | Information Highway Roadkill |
| 1H | Is there really a Canada or are all those guys just kidding? |
| 8K | It's hard to make a program foolproof because fools are so ingenious. |
| 5I | It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that [see button] would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. —Voltaire |
| 5F | Kindness in words creates confidence, in thinking creates profoundness, in giving creates love. —Lao Tzu |
| 7B | Let's play Chocolate. You nibble my ear, and I'll melt. |
| 1J | Life in a vacuum sucks. |
| 9B | Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. —Jean de la Bruyere |
| 6E | Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. |
| 5G | May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. —George Carlin |
| 8J | Mensa puts the fun in dysfunctional. |
| 6I | Mr. Wrong |
| 5H | My karma ran over my dogma. |
| 4D | Never ascribe to malice what is adequately explained by stupidity. |
| 5D | Never feel guilty about having warm human feelings toward anyone. —Ben Cartwright |
| 1I | Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely. |
| 1F | No Noise ["NOISE" inside the international No symbol, a slashed circle] |
| 6H | NO SOLICITING |
| 8H | One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar. —Helen Keller |
| 7I | Pablo Picasso: "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." |
| 5A | People think love is an emotion. Love is good sense. —Ken Kesey |
| 4B | Plays well with others. |
| 7C | Politically Incorrect. |
| 2K | Reunite Gondwanaland! |
| 2J | Sacred cows make the best hamburger. —Mark Twain |
| 3K | Single and Looking. |
| 2C | Students achieving oneness will move ahead to twoness. —Woody Allen |
| 8E | Subvert the dominant paradigm. |
| 8I | The #1 Recreational Drug: The Pill |
| 7E | The magic words are squeamish ossifrage. |
| 7H | The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. (Einstein) |
| 3F | The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up. |
| 4C | There's nothing like a simile. |
| 7G | Things to do today: Shop. Eat lunch. Strangle a skinny person. |
| 7K | "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." —George Santayana [Wear two of these.] |
| 6F | Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. —John F. Kennedy |
| 8C | Too bad ignorance isn't painful. |
| 3D | Visualize whirled peas. |
| 4J | Warning: This person warps space and time in their vicinity. |
| 8A | When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl. |
| 1D | Why aren't there more blind skydivers? It scares the dogs too much. |
| 5C | Will cure [see button] for food. |
| 2E | Will you pay more taxes for free medical care? |
| 6B | Yes, but not you! |
| 8G | Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. |
| 2B | YOU! Out of the gene pool! |
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Compilation © copyright 1996 by Eric Postpischil.